Comments on: A Move Home

By: Kathy Ritchie

Kathy Ritchie — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 05:15:27 +0000

I totally feel you…. no one can make this choice but you. that’s the crap part. took me a long time and i’m sure i hurt one person in particular… and myself. but life is short… and as a friend once told me, life is also very long… do what is going to make you happy and sit well with you. if its well with your soul then do what you need to do… or you will regret it. either way. my mantra to date: it is well with my soul.

good luck and i understand… totally empathize, but this will pass and you’ll make the right choice… and remember, balance is so key.

By: Mo

Mo — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 13:38:35 +0000

I am facing a similar situation with my father. I am contemplating a move back home, right now I live in California, a place that I have always dreamed of living. I have been here a year, and love the lifestyle, however my father’s health started to noticeably decline into some form of dementia when I got here. I am incredibly saddened by being far away (they live in the midwest). But I also cannot help but feel angry because I have wanted to be in california my whole life. Now that my dream is true, I feel like I’m not fully happy because I am so sad and guilty about leaving my parents during this very difficult time. I’m an only child, so all the burden of their care is falling on my shoulders. Reading your blog makes me cry and wonder what is my gut decision. what is the right thing to do? If i only have a few more years left with my father, shouldn’t I try to spend them with him, and not be off exploring in California?

By: A New Home « My Demented Mom

A New Home « My Demented Mom — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 15:28:42 +0000

[...] I said in an earlier post that if my gut had said stay in New York City, I would have stayed, but my insides screamed at me to move back to Phoenix. I am relieved that I finally listened up and I no longer doubt my decision. Despite the hurt I’ve felt these past few weeks and the pain I have caused another individual close to me, I know this move was the right choice. Posted by Kathy Ritchie Filed in Alzheimer’s Disease, Dementia, Family, Me, Our Stories, Real Life Tags: Alzheimer’s Disease, change, Dementia, Family, kathy ritchie, life, love, parents [...]

By: Kathy Ritchie

Kathy Ritchie — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:43:20 +0000

Thank you all for your support. I appreciate you reading the blog and I hope that it’s helpful! The move is fast approaching and I’m scared… but also believe that it was the right choice for me. Kat

By: keenwell

keenwell — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:37:05 +0000

This was a moving post for me to read. I am the only one of three siblings living in the same town as my mom, who has Alzheimer’s. This was not my choice – it’s just how things turned out. While I am full of anger, frustration, resentment, etc., and while I think my mom was flawed in many ways as a parent, I also find that this time I am spending with her is and will always be a meaningful part of my life. She is in assisted living, a huge help. But she needs me for lots of things. We laugh a lot. My goal is to make sure she is safe and as happy as possible and free of fear or anxiety. Something about doing this just feels important. I wish you the best in your move.

By: Monika Campbell

Monika Campbell — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 19:50:00 +0000

I am the same age as you, having just turned 31 this past Saturday. I went to visit my mom, who is 71, and in a full-time care facility because of her advanced fronto-temporal lobe dementia. It has been a difficult weekend; what you said about being angry with your parents because of what dementia has done to your family is resounding with me so strongly. This weekend, I was so pissed off at life, at the fact that I will never know “normal” again. All this familial cheer around the holidays depresses me something awful at times!

Having looked after my mom almost full-time a year ago, I will never be the same person I was – bubbly, lighthearted. I’m kind of mourning the progressive loss of her and the person I used to be too. It’s the kind of thing that no one will understand unless they’ve been through it themselves, which makes me feel awfully alone at times.

I could go on for hours about this, about how I have no memories of my mother, of the sound of her voice and laughter, or what advice she would give me, or how unfair it is that she will probably never know my children (when I have them) But I’ll spare you the “all-about-me” bit for now-I just want you to know that you truly aren’t alone in this; that there are people like me who are going through this too, and that we can all be here for each other, as lame as that sounds! Sorry for the lameness! But I’m glad I found your blog, because I needed something, I don’t know what, some understanding of what I’m going through that I can’t talk about with anyone really (I don’t want to further upset my dad and sister)
I’m trying to say too much at once. So I’ll stop now, and just say thank you for your brilliant honesty.

Feel free to write me anytime.
Best,
Monika

By: Bennita

Bennita — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:54:03 +0000

Hi Kathy,

Was just bored waiting for my husband to get back home and was going through some blogs when I came across yours. I live in Bangalore in India and was extremely touched to read your blog on your move home. I think your decision to move home to help your parents when they most need your help especially when it means sacrificing so much (albeit voluntarily) including the man you hoped you would marry is truly truly commendable. I wish you the very best and the strength to carry out your decision in a way that would not make your parents realise the sacrifice you have made for them.

I myself was feeling a bit down the whole of last month due to some temporary blip in my otherwise perfect marriage and life (I have been blessed with wonderful parents who are still healthy, 2 angel girls aged 5 and 7) and a husband who I love and loves me after almost 15 years. I was feeling sorry for myself when I saw your blog and realised the real issues and problems you where facing and the spirit and grace with which you were handling your life. My problems seem miniscule in comparision.

God Bless!! An invitation to you to come to India and visit in Bangalore and Goa (where I am moving shortly) if you feel the need of a break at any time. Take care!! Bennita Ganesh (bennitaganesh@yahoo.com)