**UPDATE (April 7, 2011)
My name is Kathy Ritchie and my mom is demented. She was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia in 2010. She has lost so many memories, words and all of her freedom. Still she’s a happy, loving human being…………. who doesn’t even know my name.
While I’m lucky to have friends and a therapist who listen to me from time to time—fast forward and I’m in a different place where I don’t alway feel like talking about it, so I don’t tend to rant, rave, cry, babble, and just talk as much these days—I know that other people are not like me and everyone is facing a different reality………………Knowing this both pushed me to create this space and continue writing about my own experiences with my mom. My hope is that this blog will help others going through this wretched ordeal. I don’t want to exploit my own situation, but in telling my story honestly, I suppose in some ways I am. I hope you will forgive me. But if this blog helps one person get a grip on what is a complicated and emotionally and financially draining mess with no happy ending in sight, then I am happy I did so.
I also wanted to create a space where judgment has no place. Not surprising (or maybe so), it’s amazing how many people step back when your loved one becomes so grotesquely ill; it’s also amazing how many people will judge you, even scorn you for doing only what you can do. Good thing this blog isn’t for outsiders.
As young adult caregivers in our 20′s and 30′s, navigating the demands and challenges of our own lives—personally and professionally—with that of our parent’s disease is hard. At times, finding the middle ground feels practically impossible. I made one of the most difficult choices of my life in 2009 when I left New York City to be with my mom. I had not job and not a lot of money. But life has a way of working out. At least for me it did. And here I am……………………………
Remember, there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to dementia, frontotemporal dementia, vascular dementia, lewy body dementia or AD. All you can do is your best with the tools you have. I hope this yet another weapon in your arsenal against the ravages of this disease
Kat
THE ORIGINAL “ABOUT PAGE” COPY
My name is Kathy Ritchie and my mom is demented. She was diagnosed with multi-infarct dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in 2006. Despite losing memories, words, and her freedom, she is a happy, loving human being—who also has a much more impressive social calendar than I do! Yet, when I tell people that my mom has dementia, their initial reaction is one of shock followed by, “But she’s so young!” Actually, she’s not. She’s 71. I’m 31.
While I’ve been lucky to have friends, a support group, and a therapist who listen to me rant, rave, cry, babble, and just talk, not everyone has the same resources that I have or they simply may not want to talk about it. Knowing this pushed me to create a space where I could hopefully help others going through this wretched ordeal. I don’t want to exploit my own situation, but in telling my story honestly, I suppose in some ways I am. I hope you will forgive me. But if this blog helps one person get a grip on what is a complicated and emotionally and financially draining mess with no happy ending in sight, then I am happy I did so.
I also wanted to create a space where judgment has no place. Frankly, telling someone you don’t like your own mother because she’s sick or you can’t connect emotionally to her because she’s no longer the same person or you’re frustrated that your life has to change as a result of the disease sounds extraordinarily harsh and selfish to most outsiders. Good thing this blog isn’t for outsiders.
As young adult caregivers in our 20′s and 30′s, navigating the demands and challenges of our own lives—personally and professionally—with that of our parent’s disease is hard. At times, finding the middle ground feels practically impossible. I have taken many steps back in my career and personal life to spend more time with my mom who lives in Phoenix. I live in New York City.
Balance is just not in my vocabulary.
Remember, there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to dementia or AD. All you can do is your best with the tools you have. I hope this yet another weapon in your arsenal against the trauma of dementia and AD.
Kat
Hi Kathy,
I came across your blog and just wanted to say keep up the good work. My Dad was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia when I was 29. Things were getting difficult for Mom to handle so I made the decision to pack up life in Sydney, Australia and move “home” to help care for Dad. Like you, I am a ‘young adult’ and I started a blog for many of the same reasons. (http://lewybodydementia.wordpress.com)
Anyway, thanks for a great blog. If you don’t mind, I’d like to add it to my blog roll.
Thank you Holly! Always appreciate the support and yes, add away!
Kathy,
You are a brave, honest and powerful woman I feel honored to call a friend. The strength and honesty you display here is an inspiration to me.
Fight the good fight and know you can count on me for any support you need.
Hi, Thank you for taking the time to read the blog. I hope you find some useful info…………. very sorry you’re about to embark on this journey. i have no bits of wisdom to give you except do what you can and dont give up your life……. it may sound selfish but you’ll lose yourself to the disease if you sacrifice yourself completely. remember, you may stumble and fall along the way, but we all do and you get back up. some days will be good; others not so much. just make sure you give yourself some time. thank you and best of luck.
Thank you
Kathy,
Finding your blog has been such a blessing for me. Like you, I moved home in 2008 when it became clear that my own demented mom was getting bad, and have been by her side ever since. I’m 22 now and she is 63. This experience has been so incredibly trying, and I am often completely overwhelmed with such strong emotion that I don’t know how to handle it. Knowing that there are other people like me out there, who really do understand how this feels, is a huge comfort.. and I can’t thank you enough.
Megan
I am so incredibly thankful to you Kat for creating this site. My mom was just dx w progressive aphasia and frontotemporal dementia @ the age of 62. I lay awake now @ night wondering what to do and looking for support. Thank you!
i’m so sorry about your mom. i hope the blog helps you … with resources and support. this disease, simply put, sucks. good luck and thank you for reading the blog. it means the world to me!
Kathy,
What a wealth of resources. I just moved home three months ago to assist my dad to take care of my mom. She was diagnosed with FTD – Primary Progressive Aphasia when I was 22…Although we were noticing symptoms since I was 18. It has been a rough journey. I am glad to see you are writing candidly about this. I just started my own blog too if you’d like to check it out! (only two posts in…!) http://discordantcare.wordpress.com
Glad to have found your blog. My mom was diagnosed with Alzh. in 2006 at age 54. My Dad is her primary caregiver, but I’m age 30 and the oldest of their five kids, and we all feel the impact. Glad to know another resource.
I’m so sorry to hear about your story. Hope the blog helps some. It’s not an easy road. Stay strong and good luck with everything… kat
Hi Kat,
I’m sorry to hear about your mom and your difficulties. I wish that you were back in NYC so maybe I could meet you and help.
I found your blog by tracing you from my blog. My name is Howard Glick and I have FTD for close to 8 years now. Be well and stay strong.
Howard
email – howardjglick@gmail.com
FTD/Dementia Support Blog Link
http://earlydementiasupport.blogspot.com/
My mum talks to mirrors. All her old friends exist there. I used to to be be so close to me Mum. Now she does’t know my name. My name is Jim but now she calls me Paddy (Paddy was the first of her brothers to die). When I listen to her conversations with the mirror all she seems to talk about is death. I wish my Mum could just die. I’m so tired of looking after her. Yet I dread the day I have to look into that hole in the ground. Mind you, I’ve had my share of death; First my brother died in a motorcycle accident (when I was 13)….That fucking killed me off. My brother had to break it too me. I got up and cried into my Ricecrispies..I don’t think I’ve ever been the same since…Funerals are sorrowful rituals….horrible stupid box burning or the ground…at least I can read Seamus Heany
Hi! Nice to meet you…. I enjoy your blog and I’m happy to see that you’re writing is bringing some much needed attention to the disease. I saw your blog on that facebook site. i think its great that you’re sharing your story…. your point of view is so unique. keep writing. keep sharing. keep educating. tx! kat
I am so sorry for your loss…. and i am sorry to hear about your mum’s decline. this disease is wretched and i wish i could say something that would be comforting…. we just had to place my mum in a home. its sad. a weird place… its as though she’s died, but she’s here. i have no words most days. stay strong Jim.
Hi Kathy,
Your blog is amazing, Im studying at University (in England, by the way) at the moment and working on a presentation about Dementia for my class, and I have found your blog really really helpful! To read about families point of views, opinions and feelings. I wish you all the best
Thanks so much. I appreciate you taking the time to check it out… its certainly one of the most horrifying experiences, very grotesque and the reality of it is often not communicated properly. kat