My Demented Mom

5 million Americans suffer from Dementia. My mom is one of them. A site for young adult caregivers struggling and coping with "the long goodbye."

Five Survival Tips for Caregivers

February 13, 2013

When I walked into the front door of my mother’s home, a little over two weeks had past since my last visit. Because of the influenza epidemic that turned Arizona bright red on the “flu view” map of the U.S., the home issued an edict banning practically all visits until it subsided. They told me that […]

Hi Kathy, we’ve got the two letters from your mom’s doctors, so you can come in and sign the DNR. Oh, great. OK. What time? Noon? OK, I look forward to it. I mean, I’m not looking forward to it. Um, you know what I mean. And that is how I made the appointment to […]

Some exciting news came in the mail today…………………………. my contributor’s copy of the new book, THE MOMENT by Larry Smith of Smith Magazine (finally!) arrived. Over a year ago, Larry asked me to contribute something to this wonderful project he was working on, which is out and available to buy…………………… THE MOMENT contains stories by […]

The Sacramento Bee interviewed me for a story about early-onset Alzheimer’s… the piece ran last week. Not sure how much attention or awareness I brought to the issue, but hopefully, my tiny part in this story will get more people thinking… dementia is not an old-person’s disease. People as young as 30 or 40 have […]

I don’t tend to get pissed off very often… you know, the kind of pissed-off-rage that suddenly comes over you like a blanket, only to have this urge to hit something (or someone). That feeling or moment came over me last Sunday…………………………. I took my mom to church and although I was prepared — she […]

My boyfriend says I worry too much. I haven’t written to much about my new (actually, it’s been over a year) relationship with Jon. Jon is one of the most compassionate and understanding individuals in my life. He is patient and always kind……………………………….. best of all, he’s a gem with my mom. He holds her […]

When it comes to all (or most) things miserable in life, you have 2 choices: You can stew in self-pity or laugh. When it comes to all things dementia, indulging in moments of self-pity are absolutely allowed, just avoid spending too much time in the pot—you’ll just become a soggy, useless mess to everybody around you, including […]

It’s September 21 OR World Alzheimer’s Day……….It’s also a day that I just tend to think back on things; where my life is today and how the fuck this all happened………………………………………….. Unfortunately, as Alzheimer’s Disease progresses, the family often bears a heavy burden. I only wish there was some way I could spare Nancy from […]

My mother had me late in life. She was 40. My father was 30. I can’t imagine being a parent at 30; I can’t imagine being a parent now at 33—although in some ways, I am, but not really. It’s weird. Most of my rearing was done by my mother. She was the strict one. […]

I don’t know what it is or why, but I am having a terrible time coping with everything that has happened to me and my family. The last couple of years are maybe now finally hitting me… the move, the end of a six-and-half-year relationship, the disease. When I moved to Phoenix in January, I […]

My latest interview is with Sandra Gonzalez, Family Care Consultant, Latino Outreach Specialist—Alzheimer’s Association, Desert Southwest Chapter. Sandra was actually the first person I talked to about my mom’s condition. You see, besides coping with her diagnosis, my mom comes from a very large family in Ecuador and sometimes family dynamics in Hispanic homes can […]

As an only child of a demented parent, I often feel very lonely and anxious. There’s so much I want to do to improve my mom’s quality of life, but I often feel very limited. The resources are there… they just cost a lot of money. A sick, gut-wrenching crime, in my book. As for […]

Caregivers of Spouses with Dementia Enjoy Life Less. ScienceDaily: Spouses of husbands and wives with dementia pay an emotional toll as they care for their ailing spouse. This has prompted a call for new interventions and strategies to assist caregivers in coping with the demands of this difficult time, according to a study from Case […]


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