When I found out my mom had vascular dementia/Alzheimer’s disease I immediately felt incredibly, outrageously overwhelmed. Super. Dementia. Alzheimer’s disease. Now what?
After visiting a lovely place called DENIAL, my good friend David suggested I come up with a “TO DO” list. This was actually one of the best tips I ever got because there’s a lot that has to be done as the disease progresses. Over the course of this blog, I hope to add more “TO DOs” from other young adult caregivers………………. The goal — to help you take care of business and hopefully avoid some stress along the way.
Here are my thoughts (more to come):
- Go to your local Alzheimer’s Association chapter and talk to someone. These people can help guide you along the way, give you names of doctors, nursing facilities, day care programs, home care services, etc.
- Talk to an elder care lawyer or a pal who just graduated from law school about the legal stuff like health care proxies, power of attorney, trusts, etc. There may come a point when you’re going to have to talk to your mother or father’s doctor or make decisions on their behalf—without the right paperwork, your hands may be tied.
- Find a therapist. You have your family and friends, yes. But this is a long journey and it really helps to talk to someone who is not part of your inner circle.
- Join a support group. You may feel terribly alone at times. A support group is a great way to meet other individuals who are also going through this ordeal, and you may get incredibly helpful information about coping, lawyers, dealing with family/friends, etc.
- Circle the wagons. In my opinion, dementia is a disease that affects the entire community. That means, the community should play a supportive role. In my case, that meant going to my mom’s church and getting the support of the priest and other “high-rollers” at the church. Now, if I can’t take her to church, there are people who will pick her up and help keep an eye on her.
- Count to 10. It’s easy to get angry. Thing is, you may actually need the person who is pissing you off. Try to stay calm if you’re dealing with someone who can actually make your situation better in the long run. I’ve found that it’s really a PR game…………… charm works rather well.
