Stylish. Fabulous. Simply splendid. Otherwise known as dementia-ware. This look is available only at Buck & Buck for all of your Alzheimer’s and other demented needs……….
A Letter to Demi Moore and Other Exhausted Celebs…
Photo by OlestC
Dear Demi Moore (and every other well-to-do celebrity suffering from “exhaustion”),
I wanted to write you this note to express my sadness at your current condition. I’ve always enjoyed your work (even the stuff that was panned, because it was you) and admired your strength — you came from nothing and created a wondrous life for yourself. It was, and still is, very rare to see an actor make it on their own, without parental connections, etc. Not only that, but by your own admission, your relationship with your mother was terribly strained, yet you persevered and you were with her when she passed away — absolutely, positively admirable.
You earned your star.
All that said, I wanted to tell you — and many of your colleagues in showbiz — how unimpressed I am with you inability to cope with life’s hardships. I can’t help but roll my eyes at your latest cry for help……… I am not going to pretend to know what is going on in your orbit (a cheating spouse? whip-its? really?), but from my own brief fling in the world of tabloid (ahem) “journalism,” sources are usually publicists, people who are somehow connected to you.
Ms. Moore, heartbreak is terrible and any kind of betrayal is absolutely devastating — no, crushing. But I implore you to take a moment to stop………………… to step outside of your gilded cage and step into my iron cage or anyone else who is struggling to keep their own emotional head above water. Life is hard. Life is suffering, but that’s LIFE.
In the most recent issue of Harper’s Bazar, you describe yourself as a seeker, “a seeker of the truth.” Go inside and take a good, hard look………………… and then digest it.
You are blessed…………………….. WAY more than most people in this country, and then there’s the planet to consider……………………… suffering is more common than not, so to lose yourself to your own demons, well, it’s a pity and frankly, it’s something most caregivers of demented loved ones wish they could do.
But we can’t.
We are the ones who must carry on. We are the ones who have to keep going, no matter how much we’d love to hospitalize ourselves for exhaustion. We are the one’s who have to go to work day-in and day-out to earn in a year what you likely spend in a month. We are the one’s who sit on our loved ones bedside and watch the daily horrors of dementia unfold before us. We are the ones who make do…… it is what it is. We are the ones who swallow our medicine and deal with whatever this grotesque disease throws at us……………………… including poop.
In that same article you said that “any kind of unhappiness, conflict, or chaos … is fear-based, insecure behavior that is playing out of some kind of pattern from our childhood.”
I take it, that your unhappiness is rooted in your childhood…………….. well, I am not always happy. I am probably more unhappy than happy and I can tell you, while I may have had issues with my own parents growing up, my unhappiness does not stem from that……………. from the past. It stems from the fact that my mother is slowly dying from a horrible disease that is consuming her gray matter…………………. I am unhappy because her disease has taken a toll on my father, too. I fear for my father. I fear that his sadness might be so profound that it will one day consume him. I am unhappy because I do not have parents who I can talk to about my life, my work, my fears, my joys, etcetera etcetera etcetera……………but that’s life. And life is suffering.
And life can break you……………………….. if you let it.
I refuse to let it.
I wanted to write this letter (it’s actually a blog post) to you and to all of the over-paid, over-glorified celebrities who seek solace in a bottle of booze, drugs, or whatever vice floats your boat, because you know nothing of pain……………… your suffering is gilded.
You (ALL) seek fortune and glory and then you shun it. But here’s a news flash: I helped you afford your homes (yes, plural), the designer duds you sport on your back even when you’re just going to Whole Foods, your children’s posh education……………….. me and my movie ticket (and in the case of other famous people, CDs, magazines, etc).
You read a few books about spirituality, life and it’s meaning and wear a red string around your wrist…………….. the masses follow you, they want to be like YOU………….. and when life hurls a pile of caca at you — a big pile and in public…………… and you let it defeat you. You appear to feel sorry for yourself…………….
Countless caregivers come face-to-face with the devil himself, every single day when they care for a demented loved one………………and I am sure each one would love to call it a day. To say, I don’t want to do this anymore. To walk away from their daily horrors. To check themselves into a place for exhaustion. Because believe me, these people are TIRED.
Frankly, I would love to regain my balance with lots of yoga, a personal chef and views of the Pacific………………… sounds positively healthy.
Alas, I live in an iron cage called reality.
Sincerely,
A girl who really liked you in Ghost.
P.S. I hope you feel better soon.
Filed under Alzheimer's Disease, Dementia (the umbrella), News, Coping, My Voice, Death, Frontotemporal Dementia
Finding a Cure for Alzheimer’s Or How to View the Glass as Half Empty
Photo by Meredith Farmer
There’s been a lot of stories in the news this week about NAPA and a push to find a cure for Alzheimer’s disease by 2025. USA Today had an article entitled, U.S. Launches National War on Alzheimer’s.
Well, we’ve seen what happens when America goes to war.
I absolutely applaud the push towards massive action against this disease, I applaud the draft frame work put together by the Department of Health and Human Services, but — insert glass-half-empty-HERE — I can’t help but think it’s just not enough and we’re not addressing the big issues…………….
Caregiving right now. Today.
There simply are not enough resources for primary caregivers NOW. There is simply not enough emphasis on dementia, dementia care, behaviors, etc TODAY. Let’s be honest, we have yet to develop a “cure” for cancer or for AIDS. We have wonderfully beneficial treatments that help prolong life, and yes, we can eradicate certain cancers, but it’s often a brutal treatment process that can take time and a serious toll on one’s health.
I am scared that we are giving desperate caregivers false hope about a cure…………….. I am scared that we are giving young adult caregivers who may develop the disease themselves FALSE HOPE. And if we do find a cure, how much will it cost? Will insurance actually cover your cure? I wonder…………………
I see so many desperate people on Facebook, begging for help, for a cure………………….. WE ARE DESPERATE!
Science has a very primitive understanding of the human brain…………..if you ask me. But then, I’m just a writer…………… still, I say everyone is different. No two bodies are alike. Some treatments work; others don’t or won’t. The human brain is complex. A disease like Alzheimer or FTD affect people differently. You mom may exhibit classic symptoms whereas mine never did. Think about something as simple as Aspirin……………….. it may work to treat your headache, but it won’t put a dent in mine — thank God for Advil.
And what about those individuals dying from some other grotesque form of dementia?
Vascular dementia
Mixed dementia
Frontotemporal dementia / Pick’s disease
Dementia with Lewy bodies
Parkinson’s disease
Huntington’s Disease
The other thing I can’t help but think about is cost. Our current Congress refuses to pay for ANYTHING unless we CUT. So, seriously, how are we going to pay for this? Dementia care costs A LOT of money…………of course, if you’re in Congress this is probably a moot point for you since you have the best health care my tax dollars can afford and a pension to boot…………… In-home care is not free. Most middle-class families cannot balance a full-time job and be a full-time caregiver, and frankly, FMLA is simply not enough time……………….Dementia care is a family disease. It takes a village to care for a demented loved one, and yet, many of us are scattered…………….. strangers come and go………………. they have no real investment in your loved one.
My dad retired to be a full-time caregiver. My mother’s type of dementia, FTD, made it difficult to have a random stranger care for her and she certainly would not let anyone except her husband bathe her — even that was a challenge. She could be combative. She would try to leave the house. She was, at times, very difficult to care for………………. and what about other solutions, you say? Well, the adult day care center said she could not come back because she spit on the floor — not very hygienic. We had little choice about how we could care for my mom. I tried to take her to another adult day care that focused on dementia care……………. it was a no-go. She would not sit still as they read the daily newspaper. She wanted to go home. At least she liked the other place. She enjoyed going.
Dementia patients are not alike. Some will sit quietly. MOST will not.
I am scared for the people who will soon be dealing with this disease because the majority of Americans will not be able to afford adequate care. No one can afford to pay for a nursing home out of pocket, especially if you have a severely demented loved one. My dream nursing home (hey, you might have a dream pre-school for your kid) runs around $7,000 a MONTH. Even if you have Medicaid, services are often limited………. and then let’s talk about the kind of care you get. Most state-approved caregivers/babysitters are not trained to deal with behaviors. And frankly, if you’re making minimum-wage or around that, who would want the job?
Thank you Uncle Sam for putting together a rough draft of what WE the People need when it comes to dementia care and support. Your draft covered pretty much everything. Now let’s see how you’re going to make it a reality; and let’s see if our ineffective (I see no change coming anytime soon) Congress will actually pay for it.
