I love quotes. They keep me going. These words remind me that somewhere, buried deep, deep, deep down, I’ve got the strength to keep going — I think of this strength as a little ball of bright-white, super-awesomeness that just needs some oomph to be catapulted up and out. I’ve managed to vomit a little bit of brightness over the last few years… so it’s a work in progress, I guess.

114174576_464edbc376Naturally, with my mom, I have ups and downs… triumphs and bloody losses… and when I feel defeated, it can be devastating for me because I am incredibly hard on myself. I dissect my failures. I think about them. I dwell on them. I over-analyze every word, every moment; I tell myself that I’m a bad daughter.

When I’m walking alone in this dark, lonely place, I use the power of words, other people’s words (including those of my friends and therapist), as a reminder that I am not a terrible daughter, that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel — and yes, I have been going through a, “I-am-a-crap-daughter-and-caregiver” couple of weeks, hence the last three blog entries, thanks for asking — I may come out a little bloody, have a few broken ribs, and a slight concussion, but dementia is a fierce opponent.

Some quotes I’m living by this week… and of course, if you have any you love and live by, share:

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” ~Winston Churchill

“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

“If you think you’re enlightened, spend a week with your parents.” ~Ram Dass

1 Comment

  1. It always seems impossible until it is done. Nelson Mandela

    Unfortunately, it will NOT last forever. You will get through it. And you are too hard on yourself! I had to laugh reading about her yelling “mihijita”…the irony is that she still knows who you are. But I wanted to cry reading about her grabbing your wrists at church – I remember the times my dad exploded with fire eyes when he had been such a man of patience and carefully chosen words all his life. It was scary and not fun. But six months past his funeral, I feel the fading of those incidents and am being left with the memory of who he REALLY was.

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