Without getting into the details…… as many of you recall last Mother’s Day, we placed my mom in a nursing home………….. the result was, to say the least, disastrous. She ended up in a geriatric psyche ward, doped on on at least four different kinds of psychotropic drugs. They wanted to perform shock therapy on her. Her doctor said she was bipolar. AT THE TENDER AGE OF 72!

Mom had never exhibited bipolar behavior so to receive such a diagnosis was suspicious.

Dad finally sprung her and took her home…. no shock therapy, thankfully. He filed several complaints and yesterday he showed me that the state of AZ found that they could substantiate some of his claims.

<Numb. No emotion. What is wrong with my brain. Process. Scanning for correct emotion…>

I selected the home for her. I condemned her. Her own daughter………….. Reading the claim at the stoplight…. I’m not sure what I felt. Nothing at first. After reading and re-reading, guilt. Yes. But at the time I had no choice. Sad. Yes. But I did my homework. I called the Alzheimer’s Association; The Foundation for Senior Living; I met with the staff at the home on a number of occassions. I’m not sure what else I could have done. I suppose I feel mostly regret. Regret that while she’s happy at home, it’s taking a toll on my dad. If I had found the perfect fit, maybe they both would be happy…………….. now he is retired and staying home with her.

What if she kills him? Now that’s the shit that weighs heavily on me…… I’ve lost one parent to dementia.

I wonder IF or WHEN she’ll take him out…………..