I wonder……………….. I wonder…………………. I wonder……………………………………………
A new development………. I’ve met a boy. Yes, a real boy who actually doesn’t care that my mom is demented. This has always been one of my greatest fears since leaving NYC: Meeting someone who would happily, openly, lovingly accept me and my family….. my mom. For every boy I’ve met over last year, there’s one thought that immediately consumes me—will he accept her? Will he accept this part of me? Will he still want to be with me after he meets the woman who physically pushed me over so she could get to her crush, the priest?
They’ve all failed….. I simply can’t picture it. I can’t picture these men coming over to my dad’s house, sitting there calmly as she spits on the living room floor.
I think this one can hang. I hope he can hang. He knows. I’ve warned him. Maybe I should have given him a more obvious OUT.
God, will he really accept her, the behaviors?
Would I…. if the roles were reversed? Would I smile sweetly? Pretend it doesn’t bother me?
You know, I don’t know what I would do. If this had never happened to her…………….. what would I be like today?
It is what it is I guess…
So when he meets her……………………………………………………………..
Will he smile when spits on the floor? Will he be patient when she points and laughs at someone because they’re overweight? Will he pat me on the back when she looks in the mirror and starts laughing uncontrollably? Will he accept that, unlike maybe his past relationships, I don’t have a typical relationship with my parents.
I, with my dad, am her keeper.
So,the new man in life is going to meet mom next week. He knows the idea of this big meeting is making incredibly nervous, mostly because I know what she’s going to say………..
Translated for those who can’t read dementia (otherwise insert the word fruita, gatos, pajaritos for every other word)………
“Do you speak Spanish?” Fair question.
“I don’t speak English.” She will likely say this in English as she always does.
“Are you going to get married?” Woman cuts to the chase fucking pronto!
“Are you going to have babies?” Jesus, mom!! Really?
“Are you going to take care of her?” I’m 32 for Christ’s sake. Minus the fact that I can’t figure out my budget and I’m over $40+ in my checking account, I’ve made it thus far just fine!
“Do you speak Spanish because I don’t speak English” Again, spoken in English.
My manfriend is very sweet and compassionate. I think he’ll do OK. I keep saying that. I can’t help it. The spitting for me is the worst part. Every single time she does it, it kills me…….. He knows she might hack one right next to him, but he says he understands, that it’s part of the disease and her behaviors are not who she is……… who are you, dude?
Still, there’s a part of me that’s scared. Not because my mom keeps pictures of my ex-husband (not my ex husband, but she can’t remember his name and that’s how she refers to my ex boyfriend) in the house—I’ve told dad to remove. ASAP—but because what if he decides it’s just too much. Too grotesque. The never-ending burden. She’ll only get worse. There is no happy ending. What if he says, listen…….. I just want a normal girl in my life…….
Normal. Normal. Normal. Normal. Normal. Normal. Normal. Pretty. Sweet. Docile. A mom. A dad. Normal. Happy. Smiling. Laughing. Lunches. Pedicures. Normal. Normal. Normal. Normal. Scottsdale. Normal. Normal. Normal. Healthy. Normal. Normal.
I feel like damaged goods. Damaged in the sense that I know that my load is a heavy one. I don’t come with one piece of carry-on, I come with several pieces of luggage that are clearly way over the weight-limit.
I don’t know how this is going to unfold. I think he’ll be OK. I think I’ve met someone really great. Kind. Patient. Understanding. I’ll post an update. Meeting is slated for next week.
Turning the BIG 33 on Thursday. It’s been 5 years since we’ve known something was wrong. Here we are. Another chapter: Boy Meets Mom.
>>Photo from Flickr’s Creative Commons ECATONCHEIRES
Fingers crossed and I know that there are some really really strong people in the world that can carry luggage till the cows come home. Maybe he’s one of them…
GREAT POST! I am so happy you have met a nice guy. I think he’ll pass the test. I think he’ll be ok. It sounds like he hasn’t run off yet and you have warned him of what he is in for. That’s a great sign.
It sounds like he is ok with all your “over weight luggage”. My guess is he knows luggage these days has wheels to offset the wieght and lighten the load. My guess is he will be your wheels! He will support and guide you through the terminals of life allowing you to travel your journey.
He sounds like a man that appreciates your compassion and your loyality to your Mom. He is probably hoping you will feel the same compassion and loyality for him.
Good Luck Girl
My Dear Friend – you are so absolutely wonderful. I just read your blogs for when your honey met your Mom and I am so sorry that you have to go through all the pain you do. Please know that you are loved and if I could I would help take some of the sadness, tiredness, and over-whelmness (Yes It’s True – I made that up) away for you so that you could feel free for a bit.
[…] The week leading up to the big meet. […]