Watching my mom become agitated and anxious when she’s in my own home is stressful. We have our routine together and it doesn’t usually involve trekking over to my house, just a 15 minute drive away. However, when we do mix things up a bit and end up at my place, I can’t help but wonder she becomes so anxious because she remembers her brief stint in a nursing home and geriatric psych ward. I mean, she must, or why would she get so distraught when she’s away from her own home? Yes, it’s part of her disease. She knows what she knows and it isn’t much. So, it’s not surprising when she follows my dad around like a puppy…………………………… she does the same with me. I sometimes use the handicapped bathroom so she can be in the same space with me……………………………………………………..

My mother is OK going to church. She can hang at Target. She can usually do Ross too…………………………………………………… but taking her out of her comfort zone for very long, it’s like the walls are closing in on her…………….. She can’t sit comfortably. She’s on edge. She keeps asking to go home. She spits on the floor. So I wonder, did I cause her to feel this way? Over a year ago, we placed my mom thinking it was the right thing. It wasn’t. It was an epic disaster that spanned a month. My mom was on the verge of undergoing electroconvulsive therapy before my dad had had enough and sprung her from the looney bin. Yes, the looney bin. And yes, ECT, shock therapy. The doctor thought my then 73 year old mother was bipolar…………………………………………… not demented.

So now, I worry and wonder if my mom has some post traumatic stress as a result of her month in hell. I can only hope that her disease deleted that time in her life.